i dont know how to actually get my feelings out at the moment. my mood's taken a turn for the worst, and when that happens.. i avoid, and i withdraw. so right now its so difficult to talk to anyone, it actually physically hurts. i hate these dips i go through. 4 days of highs, awesome times, and then like 2 days of depression. sometimes i wonder if im bi-polar with all this depression and anxiety going on.
im just stupid. i dont want to feel this and i want to ask myself whats wrong with me? nothing is though, right? i should accept my feelings, theyre a part of me. but they suck, really suck. i just feel like curling up into a ball and sleeping.. sleeping for a long time.
ill get out of this funk, its just suffering through it that sucks. maybe i could've prevented this. but it seems everytime this happens, its gotten easier to handle. maybe i am getting something out of my mental health shit...
i just really really wish it were easier. no anxiety, no depression, no hassle, an easy life.. why must no else suffer through what i am? it fucking sucks.
i want to exist without thinking all the time, without ruminating. without second-guessing and doubting. i want all the confidence in the world and the self-esteem to go with it. i want to be healed.
everything seemed so perfect last night. and now its slumped. i think i can pinpoint the trigger, it was hard to get away from it. i just know this too will pass. and this gives me hope. maybe some sleep and self-soothing tomorrow will help..
peace love and happiness
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