reality

i guess the reality of the situation is: people disappoint and so does life. and i never realized this up until a little while ago. im not sure if its because my expectations have been high lately. but man, its sucks. i guess aiming low and always being surprised worked in the past. it's failed me now. i feel utterly ridiculous right now. and i hope someone's reading this, and whoever it is is one of few people who have disappointed me..

not to say im not guilty of this, because i know i am. big time. but my disappointments, not to excuse myself, have not always been conscious decisions. most of my decisions for the past 8 years have been made my depression. getting out of bed and bailing was just how it went, it wasnt an option. so i do apologize to those who ive disappointed in the past. and in being more conscious of myself, i hope to not disappoint in the future. i know how it feels and it sucks.

this is my rant. because i cant sleep and because im pissed. and for the first time in a long time i will most likely cry myself to sleep. and i dont give a fuck.

when it comes down to it, humanity sucks. and i cant wait to be in rochester for a while and just be surrounded by family.


peace and balance