the problem with happiness

i think im having issues for a number of reasons. i dont feel like im doing something meaningful. when i was at st.lawrence i was totally immersed in school and felt good getting amazing grades. i also did volunteer work there, worked and chilled with friends. i actually felt like i was doing something, like i was moving forward in life.

right now i feel really stagnant, and i think this is what is contributing to my misery. im just doing the same things over and over again. sure, i have new friends but i feel like im lacking in the bigger picture. i wanna do something bigger than me, i dont want my anxiety to hold me back like it has been for the past year. i dont want any further fear to keep me from doing stuff i love.

i think i need to do something meaningful. it'll help to keep holding onto something thats outside myself that i'm helping to make better. whether this is volunteering with kids, which is what i wanna do or something! anything. im just so sick of my place in the world. i cant wait for double h. i would like to be a counselor there this summer.. and i hope i can make this happen. i also think going to rochester will help. it will suck leaving people behind for a while. but i need change and being surrounded by my family in a familiar, yet still new, setting will help. it'll motivate to get a new job and not sit around, surround myself with people i love and go out and meet new people on my own. i just wanna make this all worth it, ya know?

i refuse to wallow in my own misery. i've got to do something about it. four winds, and then im off.

peace love and balance