bah, im getting bogged down with depression. all the thinking and awareness of my illness at four winds has me thinking about it that much more. and the more i think about it the worse it gets. i need to get my mind off this shit and use some distractions. i know i can overcome this, i just have to do it.
being anxious 24/7 has made me forget what legit depression feels like. i always gets one in place of the other. and both really suck. my anxiety puts me on edge and my depression makes it so i cant feel normal around anyone until i break out of it. depression is a whole new low, ha ha ha. nothing kills your spirit like wanting to sleep in your nice warm bed for two days straight. but im staying on the path of DBT skills and pushing ahead and i guess staying out of bed. shit.
yet, there's some evil part of my brain.. which i have yet to voice to anyone so please don't share with the world.. that has me thinking: maybe im too messed up to function. maybe im too messed up to live a normal life, maybe im too messed to have a boyfriend. its the kind of thinking that gets me into trouble and something i wouldn't even think of if my mental health was good. but right now, it's something thats popping up. is there any merit to it? i have no idea.
peace love and balance, or trying
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