validation

first of all, thanks to everyone reading. didn't realize who was and now that im finding out, i appreciate it even more.

i do have a lot to say and a lot to jot down, but it's 2:30am and i really should be asleep. i guess i just got inspired for a second and felt the need to write.

ive realized a lot of things. especially within the past week or so. the biggest one being.. it's okay for me to feel like this. it's okay for me to feel depressed or for me to feel anxious. i think the issue ive been having is living with it, or even more so.. validating it. i havent given proper respect to my feelings, ever. and the fact i can outloud validate my anxious feelings or tell someone im feeling depressed is a huge step. an even bigger step is the fact ive realized im allowed these feelings and that they dont rule me. ive always felt that ive had to overcome them and not let people see them, and see it within me. the issue is that thats the opposite of what i should've done. these feelings, which are very real, are just apart of me if not more real than my sense of humor, my compassion, my love, or what have you. and to always be refusing them has made my life difficult. to feel the need to cover the them up or act differently so i didnt appear depressed is so ridiculous. im glad im finding out now that this is just a part of my life.

i dunno, some things are just really hard to convey. it's hard to understand, especially if you've never felt this way or you cant follow my crappy writing. either way, ive realized that in being me, i have to accept certain things and in doing so i need to validate them. it sucks living and feeling like your feelings suck because they're out of the ordinary or don't belong. its quite the opposite, they're a part of who i am and im almost proud. someone in one of my groups commented last week that 'we deal with a lot of shit, but we feel a lot and we feel a lot more deeply. so we get the short end of the stick, but at least we can say we feel on a whole new level'


peace love and balance